She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
