saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
