I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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