We're facebook friends in real life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
