New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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