First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
