I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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