I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize