Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The adults are the big ones right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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