This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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