Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
