That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
