they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
