I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
