How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
