Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
