Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
