it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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