i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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