Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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