im holly from the hills drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
