I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
