but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
