I need help removing her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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