I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
