I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
