dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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