I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I smell like Dick and happiness
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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