Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
