She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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