I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
