I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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