the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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