i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
