my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
