I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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