I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
