everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
