Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We smell like vodka and hangover
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
