i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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