When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
