ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have aggressive nipples.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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