and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
time to smoke my breakfast
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Drunk is a universal language darling
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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