he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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