just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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