I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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