Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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