What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
