WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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