Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
