i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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