I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
