The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
