It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
