i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize