ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
