don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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