ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
