I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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