okay pat passed out under dana's car
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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