dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
