saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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