Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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