No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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