I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bring money and cleavage
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
