i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
