Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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