I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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