On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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