I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
