that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize