Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
