sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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