i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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