First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
