I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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