: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
