Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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