So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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