What did we do last night that was yellow?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
