The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
