Jerry, you need to find god
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize