I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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