Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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