oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
