All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize