Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
