Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
