so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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