I didn't shave. On purpose
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
