What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You ruined the universe
Randomize