Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
