My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
