he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
