Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
