I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize