now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
