i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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