what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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