He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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