You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize