Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
